In giving them, somehow these words never seem to be quite enough, sometimes even possibly seem to be trite. As if their meaningfulness is not really all that meaningful. That it is just something that rolls off the tongue or is more easily written and sent, with little to no deeper thought or feeling.
“I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.” In the past few months I have written and sent it myself several times. And both times I felt it wasn’t quite enough, though it was most sincerely felt and sent.
After two horrific recent tragedies, I was further horrified to see a number of people posting celebrations of the deaths – celebrating what should never be celebrated and mocking not only faith, but any and all expressions of faith. I was utterly amazed that our “thoughts and prayers” was right up in the top of those lists. First I was flabbergasted, then I was just angry. Like seriously, just why? I know that we all have likely felt those words weren’t enough of an offering to those in the midst of such a heavy loss, but also that sometimes the offering of those words is all that we have left to give.
So I sat down in my comfy chair, curled up with an even comfier blanket and began to contemplate and to pray. First prayers were that God might open the eyes and hearts of these exceptionally misinformed individuals. Then I prayed for more clarity into the expression. I mean I know deep inside what I mean when I say it, but I wanted to have at hand more of the meaning of the expression.
So I started with thoughts… thoughts in this context are not just scattered thoughts, but are instead lovingly and purposefully brought to the forefront of our minds, whether for the recently lost or the loved ones they left behind. These thoughts include memories of and feelings about the person we wish to honor with those thoughts. These most often reflect the best of that person, the things we loved and admired the most about them. The things they made us feel, not only about them but about ourselves, all those things good, and uplifting, and fun. The things they taught us, or the things we learn just by being around them. The life lessons they bestowed. These same things that they brought into the lives of shared family, friends, and acquaintances. All that is wrapped up into what this person means to us, and our care of/for them… these are our thoughts.
And then I moved on to the prayers. Prayers are not merely platitudes for one who has a relationship with God. Prayers are, in fact, exceptionally powerful tools. Along with a heartfelt worship and/or discussion with our Heavenly Father, they (prayers) are purposefully engaged in spiritual warfare, used as a weapon and/or cover of protection. They are also engaged in bringing about healing and even miracles for not only ourselves but often for our loved ones.
As I have said before, grieving the loss of a close loved one never really goes away. The pain it brings ebbs and flows, from nearly unbearable to barely there and anywhere in-between. But those prayers have the power and ability to soften or lessen that pain and that mourning for our loved ones. And that little bit can make such a huge difference.
When a family member, a friend or even a fond acquaintance goes through the loss of a loved one, we gladly give what we are able to give. We support in any way that we know to do so.. being there physically to meet needs, or just being there for emotional support. But sometimes all we honestly have left to give is our thoughts and our prayers. And what deeply amazing gifts these two things really are…
Of Loss and Love 