A New Year

A New Year can mean many things to many people. It is often associated with new resolutions, new goals and almost always some sort of life improvement.

It may be that we’ve had an amazing year and are looking for things to only continue to get better. It may be that this last year held some especially difficult struggles and we really hope this next year will be better.

A new year can be exciting with promises of some new adventure, of new and wonderful things to come.

But for those who experienced significant loss there may be, instead, a loss of hope, a lack of excitement, and our dreams may seem very far away. Nonexistent even.

Our ideas of what matter are now altered, reflecting our experience and our new reality.

I can’t speak for everyone. Every journey of loss is unique. I can only speak from my personal experience. I can tell you that, for me, the first New Year after my loss I felt numb.

I think I just went through the motions. I didn’t want to feel in that moment. I probably welcomed that numbness just so I wouldn’t drown in the desire to go back to before.

Our friends and family were key. They offered their presence and support. And they backed off when I needed them to.

They offered their time, small or big outings, a comfy sofa with a hot drink and as much or as little conversation as I wanted. They lended an ear, a shoulder or both. Bit by bit they helped me to build small happy memories.

That first new year was not what I wanted, but it turned out to be the year I needed.

If you are in that first new year after allow yourself to go through it, to feel it, to live it. Allow yourself to grieve. It’s ok to be hurt, to be angry, to feel sad or depressed. And it’s ok to take small steps to begin to live again.

If you know someone going through that first year be there for them. Lend your support, your ear, and your shoulder. Be patient. Be a part of building hope, memories, and life. This means more to that person than you can imagine.

To all of you I wish the very best New Year, filled with love, healing, peace, family, friends, laughter, fondest memories and amazing new beginnings. I wish you a most truly happy new year…