Chasing Happiness

For those with a recent, or near-recent, loss happiness is fleeting. Not fleeting like for everyone else, or even elusive. Take fleeting or elusive then multiply that exponentially.

I’ve heard it said you have to make your own happiness. But what if, in this area, you are temporarily (we hope) crippled. Unable.

Maybe here, for this purpose, comes the greatest need for self care. But what if we are not yet able to pull these skills out, let alone use them? This is where our family and friends’ love and support can come into play. This is where they can be of extra great help.

We can’t see it yet but maybe you can. Or maybe you can help us begin to see it.

For about two to three weeks after our daughter’s death I had previously set up reservations at a local B&B for my husband’s birthday. I didn’t care about it anymore, he probably didn’t either.

My family quietly stepped in and took over care of our 8 month old, and made sure that we made it to the B&B. All very gently and lovingly done.

I don’t remember much about it. The things I do remember were wandering the beautiful old home, admiring their recently remodeled gourmet kitchen, gazing out to the fields from the balcony of our little suite – my thoughts finally quieting, sinking into one of those huge, comfy surround-you-in-softness beds, and falling to sleep watching one of those comedy videos that don’t require you to use any brain power.

I got the rare privilege of almost 24 hours of cares and concerns falling away, something I hope to someday help others to be able to do.

It was a tiny beginning of the realization of the need and importance of self-care.

Self-care doesn’t have to be a big escape. Just to find one or two things just for you. Something not related to work or caring for others. Something just for your own emotional or spiritual well being.

It could be indulging in that cup of specialty coffee, taking time to read a good book or write in a journal. A bubble bath, a morning jog or bike ride. A scenic walk on a trail. Learning the guitar or sign language. Create a piece of art. Volunteering for a cause near and dear to you or your loved one.

Any of these, or other many other ideas not listed here, can bring moments of purpose and healing. And these can lead to moments or sparks of happiness, bit by bit.

If you are that individual enveloped in that loss then reach for just one thing, one thing just for you. That one item of self care. Then later reach for another. Step by step.

And if you are the friend or family member trying to help that person find a bit of themselves again, to find that bit of happiness and healing, then look for ways to help that person use their self-care.

Offer to watch their kids or house sit. Pay for a creative class they’re interested in. Buy a book you know they’ll love. Buy them dinner out, or order them dinner in. Offer your support and encouragement. You won’t regret it.