What a strange beginning for a post.. and yet for this one thing all these phrases along with numerous others, and many contradictions among them, all can be accurate at any given time.
These descriptives for the word ‘time’ all apply in all humans at some point(s) in their lives. Time marks all of our lives. In big life changing ways, in soft and subtle, barely noticeable small moments.
It is one of those seemingly few things that we all have, inescapably, in common. It touches and shapes us, leaving no one without added depth of character, beauty and even scars. It is quietly continuous. It sneaks up on us. It comes forcefully out of nowhere. It marches, and it stands still. Any of these at any given time.
The feelings and memories brought with time can be so very welcome – embraced with comfort or enthusiasm, or hit us with the force of pain, sorrow, dread, regret.
Ever single person, regardless of divisors (race/ethnicity, religion, political views) feels the effects and remembrances of time, and all of it’s nuances… the highs and the lows of it.
The one difference – and this is a personal belief – is the for those who have lost a dearly close one I think that while in their moments of grief the depths of the emotions, feelings and reactions goes far deeper. The grip of those feelings and emotions connecting both spirit and soul deep. The impact of them is intensified greatly, as is our body’s and mind’s reactions to those. It is not something we can keep at bay, or turn off for convenience or to feel better. This is just now a part of who we are. It comes early on and it comes years and years later. Grief and its effects can be brought to us at any given time.
Time has brought to us this year several notable events. The kinds of events that are wonderfully life changing. The most recent of these being the college graduation of our daughter, T. In the time leading directly up to and through the ceremony, through both preparations and enjoyment, I endured a few different times, moments of grief. In came those thoughts of ‘she should have been here for this!’ and ‘she would have been so proud of her baby sister!’ When the thoughts came they came in so very heavily. In these instances I was able to allow myself to feel the waves of grief. And then I made a conscious effort to look for, find, and savor the enjoyment in these moments in time. D loved her sister with everything she had and along with that was a child given to expressing great love and joy often, and especially for her sister, T. I wanted to honor that in her for this time spent with and for her sister in T’s own big event.
Did I do this with each big moment that time brought our way this year? Honestly… no. There were times filled with grief and pain for more than just a few hours throughout the last year. And that is ok. That is human.
But maybe this year make it a point to allow any of your family and friends their moments of grief. Comfort them when warranted. Offer to be there (and mean it), and be gracious if they don’t except. Allow them to work through, in their own time and pace. Never, ever suggest they just go ahead and get over it or move on. Understand that will never fully happen, and yet they are still worthy of your love and support.
Of Loss and Love 