… of Forget Me Nots

While the flower of that same name is certainly a lovely and happy little flower, in this case I do not mean the actual flower.

For all of us who have suffered such a huge loss at any given time, and often more decidedly so on or near any given anniversary, we will look for reminders of or ways to commemorate our loved one. Something that will bring the memory of them closer to us. Something tangible. Maybe a sight, or a sound, or a smell that triggers a feeling we can embrace, even for just moments. Something that says “yes, this was an absolutely amazing individual, and she made such a difference!” or “his life so mattered!”

Over extended lengths of time our daughter’s memory seems to have faded into a hazy background of a memory for most, including a good number of our family and friends. Brought to mind as an “oh, I remember when she…”, or sadder still as a “shouldn’t they have gotten over it by now..”

I cannot blame them for this, or be angry at them. She was not their daughter. They did not take her home from the hospital, hovering over her car seat in back of the car. They did not endure nearly sleepless nights by her side in the first few months. They did not see the daily development of that amazing personality grow. They did not see her daily, and fall in love with her more and more at every milestone in those first few years. They did not watch over her now usually peacefully sleeping form on most nights. They did not rejoice in her very clumsy first steps, or cry over her boo boos. They did not pull her excited little self up in front of them on horse back, or ride slowly with her on the atvs (not really the smartest parenting move looking back).

They did not all witness first hand the effect she had on strangers. She drew people to her, looking to encourage and cheer another up, and absolutely always brought out smiles. They did not continually see her over-the-top love and affection for her family members, and for her pets. They did not live through the horror, and then the helplessness of her last week. But she was mine, and I did. All of it, and way more.

As for me memories of her come to me daily. Some slightly faded to be fair. But some ever so brilliantly. Man, I love those! And so I very often look for reminders of her, and look for experiences I know she would have enjoyed. I look for ways to make others smile like she did.

And so comes my own special yearly forget-her-not… This one, coincidentally, involves flowers. And though you do not have to do exactly as I do, I do highly recommend and encourage you to find several forget-them-nots to do/observe, etc for your own closest passed love ones. Several times a year, in fact. For me, to honor my daughter’s need to encourage and cheer people up, sometime near her birthday I find a local florist shop and have them send a very brightly colored floral arrangement to a nearby hospital with the instructions that it just goes to the person there that needs it the most.

In a way, it is a selfish thing for me to do. I don’t want recognition, in fact the note included is often just a simple expression about brightening their day. And I truly and whole heartedly wish that for them. I really do.

But this act does bring close to me some of the sweetest memories of her. Of her just brightening someone’s day. Of her picking “bootiful fwowers” (usually some colorful weeds) for her grandma, grammy or her aunts and cousins, and presenting them with such a huge grin, and excitedly waiting for a happy grin in return. I think Papa even received a partially wilted offering or two. And memories of her trying to share more of those ‘fwowers’ as a treat for the horses… Never even seemed to phase her that the horses tended to just kinda gum the flowers a moment before dropping them and going back to the tastier grain or grass. She was just happy to have done her part.

So this one act I do to honor her, and to bring me those fond memories. On her birthday I will do something more for the family for her, like an M&M birthday cake. Yes, it’s a thing. We will speak fondly about her to our now grown children, and share some of those memories with them.. yet again.

But today, I did this one thing. This one very awesome thing. For her. And for me.